my most creative act!!

This year I performed the most creative act of my 40s - had a baby!!! He is a beautiful addition to the family, and such a joy. Being pregnant again, after so long, has had me reflecting on the process of creating- especially the intensity of the first months of a baby's life. I have invested the last 5 months (probably more because I had pre-eclampsia during the pregnancy) in him and this has been good for both of us. It has been intense because he was 6 weeks premature and weighed only 1.7 kgs. What I have learnt is that if something is important to you then you do what you have to to make it work. I breastfed him (every 2.5 hours in the beginning) because it was what was best for him - and I enjoy it and think there is no better way for a mum and baby to bond than that!!! He is growing well - has a beautiful smile and has started to sit - all rewards, showing me that is has been more than worth it.

So maybe the lesson is that any creative endeavour that is worth it will require a whole lot of energy - I will need to dedicate quality time and resources to it to make it work. I have also realised that one needs affirmation - feedback to know that this is going well and it is worth it. This is where the sisters at the Panorama Breastfeeding clinic played an important part. Everytime I felt really tired - (about once a week), I would go in to weigh him, and to have a chat - and they assured me that I was doing wonderfully. I could see it, but having someone with no vested interest say that was very important. And they always gave me useful advice. So having a support system that cheers you on, and gives you support and advice is very important. The rest of the family - Faye, Sente and Victor , and the broader family- have also been great to0 - as have my colleagues!

Another lesson is about prematurity - I think the lesson is if an idea comes before its time, incubate it, nurture it, and be patient. Before too long it will be the right time. Looking at my little one now it is impossible to believe he was premature!!

So as I prepare to come back to work, I intend to take these lessons back into work.

Eating an elephant on the road between Entebbe and Kampala

What a year 2008 was - maybe thats why I have been away from this blog for so long!!! Looking at the global challenges facing us all in 2009 it feels as if we are being challenged to 'eat an elephant'!! The global financial crisis - and the implications this has for all people's of the world; the climate change, crisis in countries like Zimbabwe, the Gaza conflict, DRC, the simmering tensions between India and Pakistan, the upcoming elections in SA and so we could go on... So I am going to try and eat my elephant, one bite at a time!

The enormity of the elephant, (and maybe, the possibility of solutions) is probably coloured by the way the year began - first in Uganda, visiting my mum and sisters and being struck by what has and hasnt' changed in the political landscape; then back to SA, and tapping into the political dramas playing out as we approach elections. From home to home!

Travelling on the road between Entebbe and Kampala made me think of how that road was symbollic of many journeys in my own life. It symbolised comings and goings, beginnings and endings, pain and joy, great hope and great fear!! Going to Entebbe was about either saying hello or saying goodbye (the airport is there); it was about fun and laughter (trips to the zoo, botanical gardens, or the beach); it was about fear (the roadblocks and soldiers in the 80s; the intelligence guys at the airport); it was about awe and wonder (remember when the new airport was built adn how beautiful it looked at night? do you remember the guy who used to sell puppets or wooden sculptures on the road? or the beauty of the lake); and it has often been for me about coming home and leaving home - alone or with my children. And each time taking in and leaving with an experience of a different face of Uganda.

So what struck me this time? Things have changed - and am not sure it is for the best! I thought about Museveni, and when he came into power in the 80s, how much hope he brought to all the people of the country, a deep sense of peace, and a belief that we could change things in Uganda - kind of like Obama. We had, for the last how many years been living in a state of being paralysed by fear into a sense of what was possible, in a country where civil war had been raging for a looong time, where corruption and immorality was the order of the day - and Museveni was part of the war. And then he came into power, and almost over night the gun shots stopped, and the road blocks disappeared, and we began 'building the nation'. There was hope, a new sense of community and possibility.

And now over 20 years down the line and things are so different - the hope has been replaced, again, by a sense of resignation and defeat - maybe even fear, fear to speak the hard truths. There is a lot of 'development' but it seems that it is about individuals not the community - with little or no infrastructure to really support it; and little that is of benefit to the common man. People seem to say 'what can we do? the leaders are corrupt, they just care for themselves and their families, and we will do the same.' So the gap between those who have and those who don't has widened, the populations has grown, traffic increased but the roads are still the same roads we drove on to school in the late 60s and early 70s! The hospitals do not work as efficiently as they could, schools are a poor shadow of what they were and people feel hopeless ... The worst thing is the land and climate is changing too, and so the gardens that sustained us during Amin, and Obote 2 are not there any more - hunger and famine are becoming more common place!

I was left wondering 'What can we do? This is our country. We, wherever we are in the World, are where we are because this is our home. How can we move into action - believe in the power of the human spirit? Where do we find the courage and strength to challenge the status quo, to do new things to build a new? How do we find the leadership that is needed to move us out of this rut??? What can we learn from how Obama mobilised the American people, create a new sense of ownership and belonging, a sense that each person can make a difference - but they have to get involved to do that???? How do we move to a belief so strong that says 'Yes we can!', and then move beyond it into a space of actually doing - where we can say 'Look, we can!!' Am calling on all who have some thoughts to join me in my elephant feast - I know We Can - do you???

YES WE CAN!!

Obama's victory today has been a powerful reminder of the capacity of the human spirit to bring forth change. The importance of hope at a time like this! The power of building relationships, and inspiring people to dig deep within, and to step forward and do their part in bringing forth a change. I have just been skyping with my cousin John, who is an American citizen, and who has been campaigning and running a phone thingy to get people to vote, and he said Obama has inspired many of us, who have not really been involved in politics to stand up, get involved and be part of making a change. He said this morning a couple brought their 11 year old daughter to his operation because she wanted to phone people and tell them to go out and vote, and she was inspirational. Today I am hopeful

What does Obama represent for me? I see a young man who could have believed that he had all the cards stacked against him - half African, half white American, a father who abandoned him, his age, a minority, - and yet knowing also that he had a lot that was for him - he is highly intelligent, well educated, ambitious, focused, caring, working with his head and his heart, loving grandparents, wife .... and we could go on, who has fought for what he believes in, who has known that he cannot do it alone, and has rallied people to go with him, and I believe again. For all the children - from whatever walk of life (and adults to) who were told that they could never achieve their dream becasue of their biology, or history, or geography, or passion - Obama has shown us that we can!!

For me, as an African, there is a deeper message in his win. For so long we have believed in the colonial lie that we cant. We forget our own inspirational leaders who against all odds have made a difference - Kwame Nkurumah, Nelson Mandela, Julius Nyerere, Wangari Mathai, Patrice Lumumba .... and the more local ones - people who have against all odds made a difference in the lives of others, teachers who have inspired us, people who have brought about change, united communities - We can make a difference, if we step up, if we stop believing that life is done to us, and start to do life, if we dare to build relationships that are strong and resilient, even when we come from different view points, different tribes, different religions! Stepping into that space requires courage, it requires that we believe in the fundamental goodness of people, and the power of human agency - it is not easy, but it is soooo powerful. So come fellow Africans, let us stand in that place where we believe we can because we know we can!!!

I will, when the dust rests from this high that I am on, ponder what it is that I so passionately want to do and be in the world, and remind myself that 'Yes, I can', with the help of those around me; I will remind my children that 'Yes, you can.' Join me....

“My eyes already touch the sunny hill,
going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has its inner light, even from a distance.
and changes us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it,
we already are;
a gesture waves us on, answering our own wave...
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.”

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Today I had wonderful conversations with 3 very interesting people - Ceri, Shadrick and Susan. A lot of it was about depth, and understanding things from a deeper level - seeing from a place that your rational self could never take you to, and yet it recognised it when you got there. I think that is part of what presencing is - and there are many ways to get there. Then I found this poem on someone's blog today and loved it - Rilke and Rumi have a way of saying things so well... good night

Emotional Intelligence

Last week I was involved in two different workshops - one as a participant and one as a facilitator - both dealing in some way with concepts of emotional intelligence, and how this helps us to live more fully as human beings.

The first was a workshop, hosted by UNICEF and the Department of Social Development where they brought together people who have been involved in working with Orphans and Vulnerable Children (or their caregivers), particulalry children who had been affected by HIV/AIDS and with an interest in the provision of psycho-social support for children.

The purpose of the meeting was to share what various groups were learning about the process of providing psychosocial support and to also begin to think about the principles that need to guide the process. Four projects presented their work: Firemaker, run by drama therapists, and using drama and other creative modalities to provide caregivers with tools to work with children; Storywell, which I am part of, which uses story and other creative activities as a medium; REPSSI, which works with hero books, digital storytelling and other modalities and produces a whole range of materials for use – they also showcased the work of MAD about ART, which uses art to work with young people, and has had some powerful impact; and ROBS which has a very long name (can’t remember it) and works with grief counselling, and has teamed up with a project in Australia that makes dolls... (I will find their websites so that any one who is interested can actually log on and see what they do).

The second was a two day workshop which I facilitated, in a corporate setting, working with managers around the concepts of emotional intelligence – drawing on life, on theory, on the movies – to learn together, to reaffirm what was often known, but not practiced, and to meet oneself again.

What struck me about the two workshops?

· The importance of expressing (some you might want to read dealing with) our emotions be they grief, anger or joy – and understanding what has triggered them. In both workshops there was an acknowledgement of how our emotions trip us up when we do not express them. (working with children is, of course, different from working with adults, and one has to understand how children of different ages understand things and express things)

· Working with emotions is both a rational and an intuitive process – the head and the heart need to work in concert with each other – neither is superior, they just provide different insight, and support. The problem is we often elevate the intellect or rational over the heart or emotional or vice versa, instead of seeing them as important aspects of being human.

· The recognition that emotion is an important human response to the world, and in most cases, with the support of people who care, we are able to deal with intense emotions. However there are moments when it becomes pathological – and then we need the support of health professionals.

· The power of listening and being listened to!!!! For most people this is the most important thing – because when you are heard, you are seen, and you reality is acknowledged. It is one of the simplest, and most powerful gifts we can give each other – at home, at school and at work. And it is often one of the hardest things to do! Nancy Kline, in her book, ‘Time to Think’ says, we are often afraid that we won’t get a chance to be listened to, and so we do not listen to other people. When we know that we too will get a chance, then we listen to others.

· The sense that we are all in this together – whether it is working with the orphans, or working in an office, or teaching in a school, or parenting, or being a sibling – we all contribute to the well-being of the people around us AND we can, or should all be able to draw on them for help and support.

· There are many simple and powerful things that we can do to support ourselves and each other – and many of them have to do with being ‘present’, creating structure and support, being creative, listening, giving voice to those things that need to be given voice and listening.

Working with emotions means we should all be ready to be a little vulnerable with each other – and often when we do take that risk we reap incredible results! It is hard work and yet rewarding work.

Value

I had a conversation with my pastor today which set me thinking about value - what I value, how I value, how I measure value, how I express my sense of my own value, how I receive value ... and then I started thinking about what it means in the world we live in. It is an important conversation to have with others and with yourself, in those quiet moments of deep reflection. Can you see your value - not so that you can hit others over the head with it, but so that you can live that value more truly, and more deeply, and thus make a deeper impact on others lives?? Do you know what you value - in the world, in your work, in relationships, and more importantly in yourself? That has and still is part of the journey that I am travelling. I wont say much more, but here is a poem I wrote earlier this year...

The Shell

I woke up and found
that I was a shell
empty inside
hollow

and I thought
‘Of what use can I be – an
empty, hollow
shell?’

For slowly life had worn
me down,
wrenching the insides
out of me.

Dispassionately
I decided to explore
the inner contours of
my shell
the womb-like cavern
that once was full...

and I found
a masterfully crafted
emptiness
a warm and strong place
able to give and to receive
to hold and let flow
to shape and to amplify
to hide and to show
to incubate and to birth

I listened
and
as the winds of life
blew through me,
was surprised to hear
the soulful music that was me,
and I realised
I had become
the hollow reed of a flute
from which hauntingly
beautiful melodies
flowed

Exploring the emptiness
of my shell
I found I was becoming
an even deeper
more resonant
Me..

namutebi - 5 july 08.

Invitations

I am learning again the power of invitation - not a word that is often used in the world of work or business but an incredibly powerful and empowering word. It is more than a word - it is an action, the act of inviting. It has been sitting on my heart the last little while. Cora, a wonderful colleague, first planted it into my mind (others probably have, but she did it in the way only she can do). I was talking to her about work, and about looking for people to work with, and I had a friend who I really wanted to work with. She asked, 'Why don't you invite her to work with you?' And as the conversation went on she said, 'I get the feeling that you are waiting to be asked, or invited into something. Why are you not inviting people..?' She said that when she has something new or interesting to do she invites clients to work with her, and they do, AND they pay her! Amazing. And it is just what we should do. Think about it - what happens when someone says, 'Come and have dinner with me. I really want to spend some time with YOU.' It is hard to resist, and it makes you feel really valued. So it must be just the same when someone says, 'I want to work with you' when you know that they have a whole range of other people they could work with. Or they say, 'I have this new idea I am working on that I would like to try out with you. Come and work (or play) with me.' Now tell me you can resist that! I cant!

I have recently been working on a project that we called the Storywell Project, which was helping caregivers of orphans and vulnerable children to work with story as a way of providng them with psycho-social support. Dorian Harhoff invited me to work with him, using story, in 2006, and at the end of that year we developed a proposal for Storywell, hoping to start working in early 2007. Well the project only got off the ground a year later, and what a journey it has been. The invitation to work with 3 amazing storied people, Dorian, Toto and Elma has been a challenging and fruitful journey. The invitation to work in 2 wonderful communities, challenged by so much, and yet working with such love, and heart has been humbling. And the journeys they have invited us to go on through their stories have been wonderful - often, as one listened to a story, one went on a journey deep into ones self... the story itself was an invitation to meet one's self!

While waiting for the Storywell project to start, and doing other bits of work I was invited, by Robert and Mark, to join Kessels and Smit (where I met Cora - and a whole lot of wonderful people). I am glad that I accepted this invitation, I really am! I am enjoying the sense of working in a company where people get invited to work with colleagues because there is a mutual attraction, a synergy that makes working together meaningful. And it is an attitude that we take into our work with clients. And I think clients enjoy that to, inviting us to 'Come and think with me about this situation.' "I am grappling with issue at work, and I want to find a way forward the works for me and my colleagues - come and work with us, help us find a way forward.' This makes the work really worthwhile because you are working on something that is important to your client, and because they have asked you to work with them. You did not have to 'bid', or 'show you wares', or 'sell' something. The value you bring is your ability to support them in their learning and growth, in building their organisation, in creating their work. The fact that you are invited makes you go into the work with respect for the client and their question or issue, humility and a deep sense of self-worth. That makes the work worthwhile and meaningful.

And so I am inviting you to play with the idea of invitation - invite yourself into your own heart and mind - get in touch, again with what is important to you, with what you love. I got an email today which ended with this quote that spoke about not finding out what the world needed, but finding out what makes your heart sing because the world needs hearts that sing. Well I am inviting you to find out what makes your heart sing, and then to do it, and to invite people to join you who will make your heart sing more beautifully. Think about who you invite into your life. If you do it with some thoughtfulness and lots of heart it will be powerful. You don't have to invite everybody - those you don't invite will be invited by someone else...